Blue Tuesday

September 16, 2014

Tuesday

                It had been one week and three days since I left the LFC and it makes me to miss everything I had experienced: Morning Prayer, Cooking Breakfast, My theology class, my redition, Grade 3-H, Evening prayer and night prayer. I missed my friends: Kuya Nińo, Kuya Mao, Paulo, Chuck, ALjay and Nico. I missed Br. Vince who knows my life =( and most especially I missed my personal journey with God in LFC =(.

                Days passed, hours are counts, seconds running and my life is getting dark. I need light, I need to be alone and my world seems against with me.  I don’t know how to start or to begin… its hard… I can’t think… I felt anger with my heart… my prayer is getting blue… I cry… I cried…

                I thought that my past weeks it would be okay, but I’m wrong because it dig up worst. 

Paralauman Siya

Campus Journalism 2011

Contributor Literary Piece

P. S.

(Paraluman Siya)

Magkahawak                at magkayap tayo sa isang tabi at                                                tinuruan

Ang                              aking bibig na laging sambitin ang ‘ngalan                                 mo

Ating                           mga puso ay pinagbigkis ng tadhana,                                           ang

Kamay                        ko’y dumako sa iyong dibdib, nadama ko ang tibok ng                puso

At                               pilit na isinisigaw na ikaw ay kailangan                                        ko

Walang                      panahon na hindi kita naiisip at hindi ko akalain                           na

Kamalay                   malay na sa mahabang panahon, na ang puso’y                              umiibig

Malay                       ang aking isip at diwa na hindi magbabago, at pangako-                ng

Na                            hanggang sa dulo ng walang hanggang na ikaw ang pag-ibig na    tunay.

Hindi lahat ng gusto mo ay GUSTO ko!

Campus Journalism 2011

Position as Copy Editor

Entry for Essay

Hindi lahat ng gusto mo ay GUSTO ko!

Raymond Verana

                Minsan nakatutulig na sa tenga ang mgasinasabi ng mga Propesor, halimbawa si Ms. Reading “Pls. read your book on pages 46-96 for the recitation tomorrow” at ito pa si Ms. Reaction “Make a reaction paper regarding on what have we watched today, make it 5 pages, Arial 11 and single space” at syempre hindi rin magpapahuli si Mr. Talkative na puro salita ng salita pero hindi maintindihan ang sinasabi niya dahil wala naman konekta sa lesson namin. Ito pa ang malupit na Propesor na ayaw magpahuli si Ms. Presentation “I need your presentation on Friday, that would be your Midterm Examination!” Gusto ko sanang sabihin sa kanya, “Ma’am Monday? Eh Wednesday pa lang tapos Friday presentation at Midterm Exam. Wow! Ano kami si Superman at Wonderwoman at kayang gawin ang lahat ng gusto mo!” Gusto magrebelde ng utak ko at mag-rally sa loob ng klasrum at isigaw “Ibagsak ang mabalasik at maladikdaturyang pamamahala!.”

                Isang araw, habang nakaupo ang aming Propessor na si Ms. Technology bigla nakita niya ang klasmeyt ko “Felix Navidad, bakit lagi kang absent at wala kang pinapasang mga assignment at project... Sabagay bagasak ka na pala at i-retake mo na lang ito sa next semester.” Astig ng Propesor namin, bagsak kaagad at wala kang panahon upang ipaliwanag ang mga dahilan kung bakit ka absent. Dinaig pa niya si Bin Laden patay ka kaagad!

                Umiinit na ang ulo ko at naaburido na ako sa mga Propesor ko tulad nina Ms. Reading, Ms. Reaction, Mr. Talkative, Ms. Presentation at Ms. Technology itolang ang gusto kong sabihin sa inyo, “Hindi lahat ng gusto mo ay gusto ko! Kuha mo?” Itinutulak ninyo ako sa maling pamamaraan, maling pamumunong buhay ko, ano ba ang sa tingin ninyo sa sarili ninyo kayo si President Marcos at Gloria at para maging tuta na sunod-sunuran sa inyo. Ipinanganak ako ng Nanay ko upang magkaroon ng kaalaman at magamit ko ang Edukasyon sa buhay ko. Sa inyo na ang katalinuhang kulang sa puso, pero sa akin ang karapatan.

                Dahil nagbago na ang panahon iba na ngayon ang pamantayan sa talino, kapag sa ulo mo ang buong libro, kapag nagsasalita ka ng Ingles, kapag plastik ka sa harap ng titser at klasmeyt mo at higit sa lahat kung sunod-sunuran ka sa titser mong kamukha si Gloria at Marcos.

                Dahil Luntian kaming naturingan, nasaan na ang ipinagmamalaking mong “Teaching mind o Torture mind, Touching heart o Torn heart, Transforming lives o Destroying lives” Pero ganun pa man, bago ko isarado ang panuntunan ito. Ito lang ang masasabi ko “Nasa dulo ng pulang pen ng titser ko ang grado ko at tiyak umiinit na ang ulo niya sa kababasa nito at kaya naman titigilan ko na ito bago pa ako magmukhang kontrabida.”

Life of Pi -28

*Life of Pi 28 November 2014

                I was like Pi on the movie, sailing the boat with my fears, hesitation, regrets, doubts and uncertainties. It was away from the real world but living on my own world. The storm was rage brought me to this nothingness. Looking for my family but I can’t find them, I hope they’re besides on me to care, to protect and to love me but there is no one to be left, I am really sorry. I’m afraid together with my fear (Richard Parker).

My uncertainties were rumbling and it’s become prey from their own self-preservation (the hyna, orange juice and zebra). My body became frigid. Night was coming, on and on… the moon was bright though I’m like clouds beneath the moon hiding from its light. The morning was calm and silent, I am alone but my fear is beside on me… God I’m giving myself to you, you’re my bestfriend… but whatever to come… show me. I’m trying of few things to be entertain myself  and don’t wanna lose hope… and I need to be build my own parameters from my own fears. Let’s the rumble begin.

Life of Pi

 If I really insist my fear to eat me… no way! I need to be strong so I need strategy and plan to handle this. Nevertheless I just imagine, do I need to be fear on my own fear?  Or fear only conquer by own master. I need fear but I just only to be aware of it, I know only hope could be the antidote to my fear. Soon, it will be ok… day by day… I’m waitin’ for help but no one’s come and my realities become unreal. Don’t lose hope.

This is it the turning point of my life the storm was rage on… the waves are barmy and the wind are extreme foolish. How beautiful to see this scenario of my life! Oh God! I’m drowning and I am done… I want to die! I don’t wanna live please God take my LIFE! and the tears are running from my face. I’m really sorry.

The silence is beckoning on me and it was really dexterous. Where is my hope? I pray to God. The silence grows and grows until I slept. The waves are tranquil and the wind was chilly… and this is it after all my challenge and test, I was brave to face enough… the island is nearer and nearer to my raft. The fear tech me how to focus and above all the fear was build my own hope. I am free.